Familee genetics

A friend gifted me with a DNA analysis kit being sold by National Geographic as part of their Genographic Project. They sell kits containing everything you need for cheek swabs, and you anonymously post two samples back to them in little sealed test tubes. Then they take between 1 to 4 months for analysis and post them online. I can then use the unique code of my kit to see the progress of their analysis and finally the results when they're ready. There are two types of tests men can opt for. There is the Y-DNA analysis which reveals paternal lineage because only men have Y-DNA. And there is mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) analysis which reveals maternal lineage because everyone gets their mtDNA only from their mother. Sperm does not contain mtDNA, so only the mother can contribute mtDNA to a child. As a result, women can only do the mtDNA test, and men can do both Y-DNA and mtDNA tests. They only allowed me to choose one. So I opted for Y-DNA test which would reveal my Dad's ancestry way before his Dad's Dad. We're talking about tens of thousands of years ago. They classify the different kinds of Y-DNA among humans that exist today into what's known as Haplogroups.

So finally, after waiting 3 months, I got my results. Now that you know so much about DNA, :D there is a theoretical Y-chromosomal Adam who is the most recent common ancestor of all men that live today. And similarly a theoretical mitochondrial Eve that is the most recent common ancestor of all women living today. And no, they weren't married to each other, because they probably lived thousands of years apart. As far as we can tell from the DNA of people living today, these two lived between 50000 and 90000 years ago. The estimates vary among geneticists.

But most geneticists agree that every human living today is a descendant of a group of people (probably a tribe) that lived in Somalia (North-East Africa) and then migrated out of there eventually taking over the rest of the world and killing off (or to a limited degree, mating with) any and all competing humanoid species like Neanderthals or Homo erectus, until only Homo sapiens were left. By the way, Neanderthals and Homo erectus were sibling species of humans and not our direct ancestors. However, Homo sapiens, Neanderthals, and Homo erectus, all have apes as their common ancestor. But now we're talking about millions of years ago or more.

Anyway, this theoretical Adam's Y-DNA is in all men that exist today, but his descendants accumulated tiny differences (mutations) in the DNA sequence over the 50000 to 90000 years. These mutations allow us to classify all men that exist today into what's known as Haplogroups. I was classified as being in Haplogroup L which is somewhat unique to South India and the Indus valley in Pakistan. Here is the known distribution of people with Haplogroup L in today's population.



When Homo sapiens moved to Asia (from Somalia), we literally wiped out all the other humanoid species that were already living there. Kinda like how Australian aborigines or native Americans were almost completely wiped out in our more recent history. Wiping out of an entire species is not an uncommon part of evolution. It's not always because we kill everything that we fear. It's also viruses and diseases. For example, it's estimated that 95% of native Americans died because of diseases that Europeans carried into America. If you think about it, Europeans lived alongside farm animals and pigs which are like petri dishes for new viruses, while native Americans lived as hunter-gatherers in sync with nature. So the native Americans ended up being susceptible to the viruses that Europeans evolved a resistance to.

The wiping out of other humanoid species is basically how we got to where we are today. But since we know better now, and our constantly changing moral standards have caught up with the best of us, it doesn't happen as much. I'm pretty sure our moral standards of inclusiveness have wayyy improved thanks to the internet. But that's another discussion.

I hope all this wasn't too confusing. I tried to keep it simple and everything above was needed to understand the results of my Y-DNA analysis. Below is an image that shows the migration pattern of my paternal ancestors starting from the Eurasian Y-chromosomal Adam (The most recent common ancestor of all non-Africans) in North-East Africa.



At this link, you can find a comprehensive report that they generated for me about my patrilineal ancestry.

(This is an old article I wrote back in college i.e. during my undergrad)



The Cochin University of Science and Technology, as we all know it, has given me more than everything I could ask for in an educational system… with a constantly reorganized curriculum that never fails to include even the most outdated technologies and with a faculty that always leaves me amazed in how they can… (Let’s just leave that there). To further express my gratitude to this prestigious establishment before I depart, I must say that - If it wasn’t for my habit of not including headings above my articles, I would have titled this one - “Ineptness exemplified”.

The 1993 “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip shown above, speaks for itself. The author, a brilliant American cartoonist named Bill Watterson, obviously had the right idea about his country’s educational system. And this system was unfortunately copied by almost every other nation in the world including our own. Ironically, the US educational system changed soon after, while we stayed on with the old ways. Today, students in India are still ranked according to the amount of useless information they can assimilate. So anybody with a good memory and lots of patience can ace an exam. (No wonder all the girls get away with the top ranks! Many girls have simply amazing memories and definitely more patience than men… no offense intended, if any!)

Getting back to our own university, I have to leave some crucial bits of advice to all my juniors and the juniors after them. That is, of course, after assuming that this administration is not about to change its ways in the coming decades. First off, never give the university exams your best effort… they simply don’t deserve it. Moreover, you’ll never make marks that way. You have to learn how to ‘cynically manipulate the system’. If you’re already conditioned to do so, the university certificates are as good as yours. But they’ll make you wait four years to get it!

On the other hand if you are not a natural achiever of inane marks, then there are some easy steps to success – 1. Study as much as you can a few days before the exam. 2. Learn a lot of new English words and more specifically, how to bloat up any small detail. 3. On the exam day, hang around the ‘natural achievers’ and find out what they’re studying. In this step, you usually make 50% of the marks you earn. 4. The exam has now begun. Each paragraph is a point. Write the point clearly in the beginning and expand it in the rest of the paragraph. Insert a poem in there for all they know! Writing an answer to-the-point will not fetch you any marks - I learnt this the hard way. 5. The exam is over now. Forget everything you studied and don’t calculate how many marks you deserve. It’s guaranteed to be a surprise, if not - a shock!

So that’s that. Five steps to success in the CUSAT university exams. You didn’t have to put in much effort or change your study habits. In fact, you didn’t even need ‘study habits’. You turn out to have plenty of time to spare for extra-curricular activities and still get through the exams. And at the least, you won’t have to say – “Education made me what I am today”.

Cease Fire!

More than two years ago I was sharing an apartment with 3 other guys, and sharing a bedroom with one of them. For many reasons, that I have (thankfully) forgotten now, I really despised my roomie. I think we have made our peace now because we haven't talked in ages. But below is a letter I wrote at the peak of my hate towards him. I told him to write a similar letter to me, so that we could exchange letters and find common ground on our constant disagreements. But he never did. So instead of giving him this letter, I uploaded it on my blog, and let all my friends have a good laugh. Since I was in control of the router at home, I also blocked his laptop from my blog so he couldn't see it. A month or so later, he asked me why he couldn't access blogspot.com, and I removed this entry and unblocked his laptop from the website. Anyway, since the heat has definitely died down now, I thought I'd put it back up for old times' sake. Here it is...

• Slurping down drinks purposefully and loudly.
• Squishy chomping and chewing while eating.
• Running inflatable bed's noisy electric pump without warning while I'm asleep a few feet away. Only to whack off later to Japanese porn, while I'm still in the room.
• Closing our room's door to block the music from the other guys... effectively cutting all means of ventilation.
• Transforming a light conversation into a full fledged argument.
• And finally, scratching your balls, with arm down your shorts, in front of my face (And also others - who won't complain - but will talk behind your back). On the other hand, it has been a long time since this last happened. Sadly, the memory remains fresh.

Dear Ravi,

It's quite sad it had to come to this. But I think this is a much more civilized way of sorting out our differences rather than having wild frenzied arguments. Moreover, I was never good at debate or at putting across some good points during an argument. This is why I prefer to write. It's relaxing and involves much lower blood pressures.

Now first, we'll clear out some things that may get in the way of your ability to recognize your own faults... This letter is all about YOU. It's a sincere effort by me, your roommate, to fix the things about YOU that greatly annoy me. You must understand that this letter has nothing else to do with me. If you want me to fix my annoying habits (which I often try to do even without your request), then write your own letter. Until then, we're at war. Picture this letter as my request for a cease-fire. We can only achieve it if both parties consent.

So that's all cleared up. From the beginning (4 months ago), I had seen the need for us to be friends (not necessarily good friends, but friends as in the general usefulness of the term - that arguments can be easily avoided). Despite the fact that the "other two guys" gave me a pretty bad first impression about you before we first met, I still tried to stay in good terms with you. During the first two months, I never mocked your odd habits (especially the food habits). It was I who started friendly conversations with you when no one else would. It was I who gave you the benefit of doubt that you might just be a nice person. Soon later, I imagined we were close enough to exchange friendly jokes at each other. I was wrong...

Every reference of flatulence in relation to your primary diet of beans – offended you. At first, you remained quiet and took the offence without returning a friendly joke in retort. A passing comment on your obscenely tight clothes turned into a wild argument with insults thrown both ways. Every humble request from someone to stop one of your annoying habits was immediately taken badly by your pride. Your reply was normally a far fetched theory explaining your habit (eg: slurping a drink mixes saliva with it – which is healthy; another eg: Cleaning gravy from a table before it fuses into a stubborn stain is a big waste of kitchen paper towels). You must understand that such arguments might make sense to you. But to a "normal" person, it seems plain weird, and for the same reason - they have no counter-argument. A more recent reaction of yours is to retort by pointing out one of my bad habits that supposedly evens out the battle field. I realize that one or more such arguments ended with me saying something to the tune of – "It's a disgrace how your parents brought you up". I'd like to apologize for that... although I still stand by it.

You might have read the list that I wrote above describing those habits about you that really annoy everyone, not just me. I think I have toned them down to your advantage quite a bit, hoping that there will be no disagreements from your side, which might block your ability to see reason in these serious unresolved issues. Please browse through them and let me know what you disagree with.

On a final note, I understand that there is a chance (by your infinite arrogance) that you will bring this letter back to me and tear it up in front of my face.

I beg to differ.

Because by doing so, you would immediately become one of the only two people on my bad side. If you're curious, the only person who is currently on my bad side is already dead. But it wasn't me who caused it. He died in a motorcycle accident. He was squeezed between a speeding bus and a metal fence somewhere in Hyderabad. The fence ripped off his left arm and I believe he died instantly. I wouldn't know how an arm injury can cause instant death. But, it's a damn shame - the way he died.

Anyway, back to YOU. I simply hate having people on my bad side. I try my best to keep everyone on my good side. Or at least - everyone who's still alive.

Trust me... I'm trying my best to make this work out. It's your move now. What you do makes all the difference between war and peace. And war with me, can get very ugly.

Warm regards,
Cyriac